


To Love

by ShannynFaucheux



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Apples.., Caring, Established Relationship, Fever Dreams, I have like two braincells left from studying Japanese and I used them to write this fic., M/M, Mostly Fluff, Sickfic, Soup & Conversations, Yakuza, mm tender, oh my god this fic looks so stale, oh no this is my possible thesis title, small mention of violence, sociological perspectives on yakuza, sorry - Freeform, yaas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25937464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannynFaucheux/pseuds/ShannynFaucheux
Summary: Akabayashi wakes up sick, Shiki tries his best to take care of him in the middle of his busy work schedule.
Relationships: Akabayashi Mizuki/Shiki Haruya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	To Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi..I wrote this fic because I've been feeling down. The state of the world pains me to see nowadays. People are fighting for freedom all around the world and I feel like I'll have to fight too very soon.  
> I didn't edit this that much and it's..not as polished as my other works. I wasn't going to share it but then I thought maybe someone else would like this and it'd make them feel loved and warm inside for a quick moment??
> 
> Grammarly checked this for mistakes. I'm not a native English speaker. This work is bound to have weird sentences.

_To Love_

The alarm that had started ringing at 8:30 in the morning finally stopped at 8:45 by a hawk-like hand landing on top of it. Shiki and Akabayashi dangled their legs from the opposite sides of the bed, groaning and stretching their stiff muscles at the same time.

Shiki was sipping on some water when he heard Akabayashi mumble;

_‘’ I think I’m getting sick…’’_

Shiki put his glass onto the bedside table and went to Akabayashi’s side on the bed; ‘’ You sure it’s not a hangover? ‘’

Akabayashi shook his head and cleared his throat, rather violently. Smoking didn’t help in situations like these; ‘’I know when I’m getting sick ‘’

He turned his face to his love when he put his palm over his forehead to check for his temperature.

‘’ Oh yeah. You have a fever. ‘’ Shiki slid his hand down to Akabayashi’s neck to be sure, then went on pushing him back to bed; ‘’ Lay down. I’ll get you some Tylenol. I think we had it in the cupboard downstairs... ‘’

He took Akabayashi’s long drink glass with him to fill it with fresh water, walked downstairs while tapping his slippers on the parquet, and came back quickly with two fever-reducing pills.

‘’ Here. Take these, then lay back down. ‘’

Akabayashi thanked him but added after taking the pills; ‘’ We need to get to the office. You know I have a lot to do today. ‘’

‘’ I’ll handle whatever you need to do for today, okay? You rest. ‘’ He caringly travelled his one hand in Akabayashi red-hair. Their eyes met to acknowledge this relatively quiet moment in the morning until Akabayashi said;

‘’ You’ll be late if you don’t start getting ready. ‘’

Shiki’s brows furrowed; ‘’ Is it that late? ‘’ He extended his arm for his phone to check the clock, and immediately stood up to get dressed. With a sleepy but loving expression, Akabayashi watched him fumble around the wardrobe to pick himself a clean black-shirt, listened to his quiet complaining about not having enough time to clean the place, to rest or spend some quality time with him..

He sprayed his usual perfume but Akabayashi wasn’t able to smell it as his sinuses were clearly clogged.

Shiki checked the clock one more time, then stood by him with a guilty expression on his face; ‘’ I don’t have time to make you breakfast. Sorry. ‘’ He added, sitting next to him and placing his hand on his wrist; ‘’ When you’re feeling better make yourself some soup from the miso my mother had sent us, okay? Or text me when you get hungry and I’ll send you something. ‘’

‘’ I’ll be fine, Haruya. _You be careful_ alright? ‘’

He put his hand around the stylish watch Shiki was wearing. _Time was an important thing_. _‘’How many couples tell each other to be careful in the mornings? ‘’_ He thought as Shiki escaped his eyes from him and looked towards the terrace door; _‘’ The way we mean it ‘’_

He heard him mumble as he took his gun from the vanity drawer ‘’ We’re strutting around like tough, free men; but I can’t have the time to make some soup for my man. Way to go, honestly. ‘’

He then caught his laptop bag in a rather harsh move and sent him one last look;

‘’ Bye, Mizuki. I’ll text you whenever I can. ‘’

Akabayashi nodded and closed his eyes with a sigh after him. He had a dizzying headache, and his muscles ached.

Hours later when he woke up, Akabayashi made some miso soup as he was told, ate it, and then laid down on the dark green couch in the living room. After a few fever-induced dreams accompanied by the buzzing sounds coming from the TV, he decided to walk upstairs to the bedroom and continue resting there.

He didn’t hear it when Shiki came home around ten in the night.

* * *

‘ _’Hey, Mizuki._ I’m home. How are you feeling? ‘’ Akabayashi cracked an eye open, but didn’t answer at first as he was struggling to stay awake.

‘’ You still have a fever. ‘’ Shiki spoke quietly while gently patting a wet cotton cloth on the other man’s face. Akabayashi re-opened his eye after Shiki was done with his quick procedure.

When he saw the fresh-looking bruise on Shiki's right cheekbone, and a tiny cut on the corner of his bottom lip, as if he was punched by someone wearing a ring, a worried expression settled on the red-haired yakuza’s face.

His hand went towards his arm; ‘’ What happened to your face? ‘’

Shiki slicked his hair back, then rubbed his two fingers on his forehead; ‘’ _Ssh.._ calm down. It was my fault. I sent my other men to run other errands and went with only three men to do _something._ Some punching happened of course. I should’ve asked for help from Ao or Kaz.‘’

‘’ But I’m fine. I’m not injured. ‘’

On him, Akabayashi could feel the city's rushing night and its familiar breeze. Along with the smell of cigarettes he had smoked in that rush, all on his black dress shirt that he hadn't taken off yet. He stared deeply into the fatigue in his eyes for some time.

‘’ I’m surprised you got sick though, with the amount of activity you do outside..’’

‘’ Did you get that bruise while doing one of my jobs? ‘’

Caught, Shiki first traveled his gaze around the room, and then nodded; ‘’You should’ve seen the other party, Mizuki. They were eight people at the least. We wrecked them. ‘’ He laughed then, something mischievous and nostalgic sparkled in his orbs.

Akabayashi held his right hand. Shiki's dominant hand while fighting was this hand; his knuckles looked in pretty bad shape; ‘’ You fought hard, it seems. ‘’

‘’ Thank you. ‘’ Which also included the unuttered _''Thank you for coming back to me unharmed. ''_

Shiki shook his head and smirked afterwards as if saying; _‘’ For you, always. ‘’_

‘’ Take a shower. I made the miso soup, there’s some left in the fridge. Heat it for yourself, okay? ‘’

Shiki nodded and gazed over at the water glass on the bedside table; ‘’ I’ll do that. You need anything? ‘’

Akabayashi first unbuttoned Shiki's shirt, then placed the back of his hand over on his forehead and closed his eyes; ‘’ _I’ll be fine._ Don’t forget to put some ice on that cheek, too. ‘’

* * *

After taking a shower and eating a well-prepared miso soup _-he was grateful for both his mother sending them the quality ingredients, and for his man to be a good cook even when he was sick-_ it was past midnight and Shiki was next to Akabayashi once again. He had brought with him a small basin filled with water, and he continued on wiping away the sweat dripping down from the sick lover’s forehead.

Akabayashi was clenching his teeth. He would do that when he was having a nightmare. Unlike Shiki, he wouldn’t make any sound, nor he’d give any details as to what he was seeing.

Shiki woke him up gently; ‘’Mizuki, you’re having a nightmare. Open your eyes. ‘’

‘’ Your fever isn’t going down. Would you want me to call Shinra? ‘’ Akabayashi shook his head, his brows were clenched. Shiki brought his fingertips on his chest and felt his heart racing.

-‘’ What did you dream about? Would you like to tell me? ‘’

-‘’ It’s better to not utter it. ‘’ Akabayashi sighed and thanked Shiki when he extended a glass of water to him.

-‘’ Okay.. take one more pill then, that seemed to help earlier. ‘’

After that, it was quiet. Shiki continued placing and changing the wet cloth on Akabayashi forehead, and the other stared at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. Both of them were waiting for the medication to work so that they could go back to sleep.

Shiki stopped when Akabayashi held his one hand up to him. His fingers were slightly shaky, but he was smiling. Shiki wrapped his hand around his, and now it was more stable, safe and stronger.

‘’ Say Haru, will you take care of me like this when we’re older? Very old, maybe when we’re past our sixties…’’

Shiki smiled back at him. For a moment, they completely lost themselves in each other’s caring gaze;

‘’ Yes, Mizuki _. I’ll be right next to you until I breathe my last breath._ ‘’

Akabayashi brought their connected hands towards his heart; ‘’ You don’t leave these hands, Haru. ‘’ He closed his eyes, and Shiki spent the next hours laying next to him; caressing his hair, travelling his fingers inside his dark-red curls—

He stared at his face while trying to trace, to find a clue of the face he’ll see twenty, thirty years later. Akabayashi had turned forty-one this year, he had few lines on his forehead that were deepening with each year, each worry. Then more lines next to his eyes that gave his gaze a deeper meaning, or so Shiki thought, comparing this face to the one he’d seen for the first time more than fifteen years ago; when they still had the world’s burden on their shoulders but didn’t carry that burden inside their eyes, as they were young;

and they thought they were free.

Shiki had left him alone the whole day. That's why he didn’t want to sleep and instead, he continued to reflect while staring at their connected hands until Akabayashi’s fever gradually went down...

* * *

‘’ You stayed up all night waiting by my side? ‘’ It was around four in the night when Akabayashi woke up and saw Shiki sitting on the armchair by the terrace door and writing something onto the notebook on his knees.

Shiki took off his glasses and put the pen in his hand away; '' I wanted to make sure you were okay. '' 

That notebook, Shiki used it as sort of a diary; he once told Akabayashi that he was writing for them to read it together years later,

When they were truly free.

* * *

_Additional dialogue-heavy scene because…we still have some soup left. .:’)_

Akabayashi stretched his arms out; ‘’ I feel a bit hungry. I’ll eat something before I go back to sleep. Would you like to join me? ‘’

Shiki closed the notebook and put it inside a drawer; ‘’ Yeah why not. ‘’

He followed Akabayashi downstairs;

-‘’ Do you feel any better? ‘’

-‘’ Yeah of course. My love took great care of me, you know? ‘’ Shiki snorted;

-‘’ I literally left you alone without a breakfast, Mizuki. ‘’

They were now in the kitchen. Akabayashi opened the balcony door and pulled himself a chair as Shiki went onto heating up the last serving of the miso soup for him. Sound of the cars passing the highway filled the room. There were only a few hours until dawn..

Shiki cut himself an apple while Akabayashi quickly ate the soup, and then lit himself a cigarette under Shiki’s judging gaze;

-‘’ What? I haven’t smoked all day. ‘’ Akabayashi defended himself and added after turning his head and checking out the slightly brightening sky; ‘’ You should’ve slept, now you’ll be tired all day. ‘’

-‘’ We still have few hours to rest. I can go with that. ‘’

Akabayashi released a line of smoke; ‘’ I must have been a really good man in my previous life to deserve you today.’’ He then placed his cigarette to the corner of the ashtray and walked to the fridge to take something.

After washing his hands, Akabayashi dragged his chair and sat facing the other. He’d brought a cream and he gently patted it over the bruise on Shiki’s cheek while the other munched on some apples.

-‘’ Say Mizuki, do you believe in another life, or a paradise? Do you think there is _somewhere_ after death? ‘’ Akabayashi lifted a brow up and took Shiki’s right hand in his to put some from the cream on his knuckles;

-‘’ I want you to answer first. ‘’

‘’ I wanted to believe in somewhere for a long time. I imagined a safe and quiet place when I was a child, a garden with all sorts of flowers my mother likes to grow. Then I wanted a warm place, a place I didn’t have to grind for anything. ‘’

‘’ That was when we were just starting with the yakuza. We had nothing in our hands, you remember? ‘’ Akabayashi nodded and continued listening to him.

‘’ We’ve come a long way, Mizuki. And nowadays, maybe because I have my safe place next to you, and more than enough money to meet my needs, I don’t feel like there is somewhere beyond existence. In fact, I am afraid that when our hands separate, that’ll be it. There’ll only be quiet, and nothingness. ‘’

Their hands connected.

‘’ That’s why it bothers me that we don’t have enough time to spend with each other. As I’m getting older, _time_ bothers me Mizuki, and I’m thinking of quitting this entire thing as soon as possible. ‘’

Shiki looked right into his eye, Akabayashi escaped his gaze and mumbled; ‘’ We will. Some patience, Haruya and we’ll look out for the safest time to wash our hands of yakuza. ‘’

‘’ We’ll be free, away from all of it. ‘’ Shiki added quietly and asked after a pause;

‘’ That’s my answer. What about you? ‘’

Biting down on his bottom lip, Akabayashi turned his head towards the kitchen window and thought to himself for some time. He could hear the birds chirping outside in the fresh air of the morning.

He let out a deep sigh; ‘’ We simply cannot know what’s beyond this life until we let it go. But if there is _somewhere,_ I’d want to repay for my mistakes there. I’ve hurt many people... I’ve done terrible things. ‘’

Staring at the way his face drowned in guilt, Shiki’s brows furrowed;

-‘’ Whatever we had done, we did it to survive, Mizuki. Don’t forget where we were in life twenty years ago. You shoot an executive, and he knows he could end up on a sidewalk bleeding before midnight. We take that risk while being the men of ‘chivalry’. ‘’

Akabayashi nodded and agreed, but he had another point; ‘’ Of course. But what about that executive’s wife? Let’s say she took that risk with marrying such a man, what about their child? ‘’

Their eyes met; ‘’ Do you think a child should take the risk, or the burden of his father being a gangster? ‘’

Shiki’s reply cut the air like a knife; ‘’ No. I’m expecting his father to simply not have that child. ‘’

After that, they paused the conversation and took a few breaths to calm down. Shiki took another apple and started slicing it, all quiet;

-‘’ You can be very unempathetic at times, Haruya….’’

-‘’ I’m thinking like this, so that I don’t get tortured by nightmares fuelled by my guilty conscience. ‘’ He softened his attitude and pushed the plate of sliced apples towards Akabayashi;

‘’ I didn’t mean to talk so aggressively. I apologise. ‘’ 

Akabayashi took a slice from the plate; ‘’It’s alright. I see your point. ‘’

* * *

They went back to bed to sleep three more hours until the first alarm of the morning. But the red-haired yakuza couldn't sleep as he had spent the entire day in bed. He moved impatiently inside the bed, left and right, and hesitantly asked;

\- '' Na, Haruya..'' 

\- '' Yes, Mizuki? '' Shiki mumbled without opening his eyes; '' Do you need anything? '' 

'' Would you consider, when we're out of this yakuza business and say we started living somewhere safe...-'' He paused, knowing the upcoming question will make the other angry. Shiki opened his eyes and looked at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence.

'' Would you consider adopting a child? ''

Akabayashi got his answer rapidly as Shiki furrowed his brows and turned away from him. 

But after a silence he heard him say; '' I should've believed when they said 'to love someone is to contradict oneself.' ''

'' _Yes Mizuki,_ I'd look into raising a child with you and taking that scary responsibility. But only on the right conditions where I know that child will be safe with us. ''

With that, until the alarm clock started ringing once again, Akabayashi stared at the other's shoulders and imagined _that time_ , smiling lightly.

**Author's Note:**

> In this one I had some metaphors about ''time'' and how fragile their time together is, being two yakuza men in danger at all times.


End file.
